If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
