He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
