Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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