I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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