You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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