Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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