Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
