Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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