I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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