every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
