Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she told me i tasted like america
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
