I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
