I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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