Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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