It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
