but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
