I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
