I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
