I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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