Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
