John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
