he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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