Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
