So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm passing your future prison.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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