Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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