The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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