chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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