god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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