i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
