Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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