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I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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