Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
