why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
