I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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