You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
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Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
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...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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