Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
