i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
