He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
