I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
