my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
