my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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