I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
