I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
