So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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