FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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