i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
