but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize