Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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