I want to make a zoo with you.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
