you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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