ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
