I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize