He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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