R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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