just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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