I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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