3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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