Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I love having hate sex.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
