and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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