god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
