You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
